I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
