I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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