What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
