I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
