Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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