you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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