I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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