scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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