Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize