yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
