i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
so that wasnt chicken after all
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
