You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
