i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
