he wants to bone in the snuggie
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
