I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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