so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
