the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Randomize
