Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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