Will you blow on my dice?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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