...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm both gender and math confused
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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