Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
