gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
