He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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