I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
