she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
