I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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