We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
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HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
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How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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