She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
