Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
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i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
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So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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