how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Damn victory sex feels great
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
