Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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