Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
