I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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