last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
