so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
