dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
