and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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