turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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