i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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