Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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