I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize