just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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