bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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