How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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