I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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