she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
