I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
