i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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