the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i came on her dog
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
