Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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