too bad you live with your parents still
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
