we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Your penis caused this!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
