You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize