can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
