ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
