who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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