I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
