He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
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Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
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I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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