After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
