did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
