It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
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